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The Dress Story

“Jake, where’s my dress?”

“It should be at the back of the car. Have you checked?”

“Yes I have. I’ve emptied both the back of the car and the boot and I still can’t find it.”

“Ha! That’s not even funny oh! Let me have another look. I’m sure I saw you take it from your room downstairs just before we left. I think I even saw you put it in the car.”

“What!! You didn’t take it? Even though you were the first to step out of the house. I thought you were carrying it.”

“No oh! I was carrying the red carrier bag we were going to use for food shopping later.”

“Nope, the dress is not in the car.”

“Mehn! This is not looking good at all. After all my hype and talk that I’m going to be turnt up at this party, I didn’t now carry the main thing. It would have been better if I forgot my makeup sef. I could have borrowed Tiphie’s! After all our colours has the same tone.”

“Lol. Okay, we obviously can’t drive back to Manchester to pick up the dress from home. So plan B is the way forward now. Let’s go to town. Maybe we’ll find a good dress in Tesco or Peacocks or Next or Home Bargains or TK Maxx.”

“That’s not funny oh! Have you ever seen them selling dresses in Home Bargains? Next will be too cost. Peacocks and Tesco, not really my turn-up dress shops! TK Maxx is like playing the lottery – you either hit jackpot or have your pot jacked!”

“Shaa, let’s get in the house first.”

“Jake and Tiana, nice to see you guys oh! Welcome. Let me help you with those bags.”

“Thanks jare! You won’t believe what just happened, abi what we just realised!”


“We forgot my dress back in Manchester. The dress I’ve been dreaming of turning up in for almost 2 months now!”

“Oh NO! Really? Shet!”

“As in I really believe Holy Spirit and I went shopping for this dress together. I had a voucher to use and ended up only bringing out £1 from my wallet to pay the balance. I was walking on air while walking out of the store; Nike Air had nothing on my moves! I didn’t even bother trying the dress. The dress and I had an instant connection. We were meant to be together. Now I’ve abandoned her at home and I’m sure she’s upset.”

“Haha . . . I know you’re trying to make yourself feel better but we have to find plan B.”

“Nothing I have can fit you oh! I’m half your size both horizontally and vertically! Maybe my husbandman, your dear Batni, can take you to town for a quick shop. We have like 2 hours before we need to turn up, so hopefully something good can turn up in the shops.”

“Yes, that’s what we thought when we realised the errors of our ways. Can you imagine what Jake said? That I should go to Home Bargains to find a dress! Help me so much! Have you ever seen dresses or even clothing in HB?”

“Lol… Me, I’ve not seen dresses oh! But I’ve seen pyjamas but that was a while back so maybe they have upgraded to include proper clothing. Hahahaha!”

“Abeg, you people should park well! I’d rather drive to Leicester with more options and turn up late than buy HB clothing. Ah ah! Isn’t there still Primarni in this una town sef?”

“Yes, there is. Okay na. So let’s go abeg, Batni.”

“Sorry oh, Tiana. I really thought you had carried it out to the car.”

“Jake, no wahala. The milk has been spilt. We just need to make sure no more milk is lost or the cows will be angry!”

“You guys are not serious walahi. Let’s be going jare!”

“Alright then, see you both later. Make breakfast and pray for for us oh. We’ll be back in a bit.”

“You women and shopping time. That your ‘in a bit‘ is probably using a different planet’s clock.”

“Na you sabi. The sand of time is pouring down. Let’s hit the road!”

“Jake is calling . . . Hey. Yes, can I help you? Are you missing us already or just calling us to hurry up? Which one?”

“None of the above oh. I saw your dress folded behind your big brown bag. I’ve sent you a picture on WhatsApp just in case.”

“Okay. Hol’ up! Lemme have a quick look. . . . Yup! One and the same. Batni, we can turn back now.”


“My dress which was lost has been found. There must be much rejoicing in dress heaven as the lost dress has been reunited with its owner.”

“Haha… Okay oh. Back home it is. Thank God shaa. No unnecessary money spent.”

“Yes oh. E for pain me pass if I found the dress later after using a new dress beyond the point of no return.”

“True. But thank God that was even an option.”

“True that.”

“Party!!! Here we come.”

“Excited much, aren’t you?!”

“Yup! The dress is about to fulfill its divinely ordained calling in my life.”

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